Pigfain the Sarcastic Hedgehog
by It's-Teatime-Somewhere
Summary: when a spell goes wrong and Merlin creates talking hedgehog, he thinks it will all be fine. But what happens when a certian prince finds out? And what will the hedgehog think of the events that unfol Semi-crack reveal!fic.


**A/N: Hello there! Here's a quick oneshot I wrote while reading some other Merlin reveal!fics. I always would laugh at the dramatic way people protrayed the reveal (not judging though, I do it too) and thought I could write it from someone else's perspective. However, being me, I HAD to make that other person a talking hedgehog. So, here it is! A semi-crack, written-at-three-in-the-morning reveal!fic! Enjoy it!**

_"Hærenfagol"_ Merlin whispered. The pillow in his hand began to shake, but then sat still. Frustrated, Merlin repeated the spell with more force. Nothing happened. he sat on his bed in defeat.

Today was one of the few days Arthur had given him off. Apparently there were council meetings all day and Arthur didn't want Merlin embarrassing him the entire time. Yet it wasn't Merlins fault that at the last meeting when he had mimicked one of the snotty nobles that Arthur had laughed and spilled his glass of wine all over a valuble peaace treaty.

Of course, Merlin had taken his offer and spent the day trying to figure out one of the more complex spells in his magic book, as he didn't have much time to do anything magic realted nowadays. He was currently working on transfiguring a small crochet pillow into a hedgehog, which was proving more difficult that he had foreseen.

Lying back on his bed, he threw the book and pillow onto the floor. His head hurt and the spell itself seemed utterly useless.

But, he used to have a pet hedgehog back in Ealdor and loved the little creatures. If he could make one for himself, it would be just like Terrence back home.

Terrence had been a gift from his mother on his fifth birthday. The small prickly animal with his fuzzy white belly had quickly grown on Merlin, and he took the creature everywhere, dressing it in a small blue hat. It had always listened to Merlin's problems, and never hesitated to curl up into his master's hands and fall alseep calmer than a baby.

One day, though, Merlin was taking Terrence for a walk as he sometimes did, and something terrible had happened. Merlin was letting Terrence walk on the ground, a rope tied around him so he didn't run off, and some bigger boys who thought Merlin was weird came over and mercilessly squished Terrence. Merlin had run home in tears, and was never the same after the terrifying experience. He had been depressed for weeks, and Hunith had begun to think something was mentally wrong with him, because he had been acting as if his brother had died. If it hadn't been for Will introducing Merlin to flower pressing, Merlin might never have gotten better. At least when the boys squished his flowers it was okay because that was what was supposed to happen.

Now, if he could just make this spell work, he could have yet another hedgehog! They were rare creatures and not many people had heard of them, but Merlin loved them just the same.

With renewed determination, he picked up the pillow and almost shouted the spell. He felt a surge of power, and the pillow twitched in his hands. After a golden light flashed on said pillow, Merlin opened his eyes to see a tiny hedgehog in his hands. Laughing at his skill, he immediately named it Pigfain, the first word that came to mind as he saw its prickly fur. As he watched Pigfain blink around at his surroundings, the hedgehog did something odd.

He spoke.

"Where am I?" His voice was squeaky and bright, yet with an underlying tone of something Merlin couldn't name.

"You can talk?" Merlin asked, bewildered at the talking hedgehog in his hands.

"Well of course I can talk." Came the sarcastic reply. Ah, that was what he heard. "I was made of magic, and the magic of Emrys at that. It would be rude to suggest I couldn't talk." Pigfain sniffed around and hopped off of Merlin's hand.

"Now," he continued commandingly, "again, where am I?"

"Camelot," Merlin said. He had decided to just roll with it, because as his mother said, never look a gift horse in the mouth...or in this case, a talking hedgehog.

"Ooh, the powerful Emrys is hiding in Camelot? How dangerous!" Merlin was sure that, if possible, the animal would have clapped it's tiny hands, but sadly, he was too chubby for something like that.

"Yes, yes. Is it so difficult to believe? And how do you know about me?" Merlin was still very confused.

"Merlin," Pigfain said exasperatedly, "I was born of your magic. I know all about you!" He sighed and went to Merlin's pillow. "Well, I'm just going to take a nap, go do something productive and leave me at peace." He turned around thrice and settled into the pillow.  
Merlin through up his hands and getting up. "Now, not only am I servant to Arthur, Pigfain seems to control me as well!" He muttered as he walked out the door.

Although he could have demanded that Pigfain give him back his pillow, Merlin knew that the animal was obnoxious and it was better if he was asleep. And besides, it wasn't bedtime quite yet.

Noticing that it was near dinner, Merlin rushed to the kitchen to get Arthur's meal, preparing a better excuse for his lateness than being held up by an obnoxious hedgehog.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~  
Over the next few weeks, Merlin began to love and hate Pigfain. After working with Arthur, he would retire to his chambers where Pigfain would talk to him, inserting sarcastic comments or badgering Merlin about how uncomfortable his pillow was. Every once and a while, Merlin would get fed up and cast a quick silencing charm on the small pet, and Pigfain would fall asleep. Yet Pigfain could always brighten his day, making fun of Arthur or Uther if he felt that something had happened to make Merlin sad.

However, everyone knows you can't keep a sarcastic hedgehog quiet for long.

"Merlin, make me a bed. Like, a proper bed. My sleeping situation is getting out of hand. I want something more suitable than your sad excuse for a pillow," Pigfain sniffed one evening.

"Pigfain," Merlin muttered, absorbed in his spell book, "you've slept on it for three weeks. Why can't you stay on it?"

"Because I am a talking hedgehog. I _deserve _comfort," He said as if it was blatantly obvious.

Merlin sighed, knowing Pigfain was more stubborn than Arthur and Uther put together. He flipped to the furniture section of his spell-book, and found the spell for a tiny bed. _Odd that they have one for this specific purpose,_ he thought to himself, but waved away the thought as he focused on the spell.

_"Bannuc bedd alan."_ He muttered. Since he wasn't really creating a bed, just taking one from somewhere else, probably the dollhouse of some small village girl who would be horridly dissapointed that it was gone, the spell didn't require as much effort as making Pigfain.

As a tiny wooden dolls bed appeared on the floor, Pigfain attempted to clap in delight. However, his laughter was quickly stopped as he looked behind Merlin towards the door. Merlin followed his gaze to see Arthur standing there, a look of half surprise, half anger on his face.

Both men and the talking hedgehog just sat there on the bed for what seemed like eternity, eyeing the comfortable bed just inches away on the floor. Finally, Merlin broke the silence.

"Arthur, I-" He began, his voice soft.

"How long," He said coldly, "how long have you practised magic."

"Arthur, I didn't choose this! I wanted to tell you but-" Arthur cut Merlin's pleading by unsheathing his sword. "I should run you through where you stand, sorcerer," He spit. Merlin cowered in front of him, tears in his eyes.

"Arthur, please. I'm so sorry. I-" He pleaded.

"No. don't try and sway me. You've been using me this whole time! You just became my servant to try and take over Camelot! You're evil!" Arthur's eyes were filled with malice he got from who knows where, as he had just come to see if Merlin would go hunting with him. It had been a rough day and Arthur always found killing helpless animals as a soothing therapy.

"No! I swear, Arthur, I would never hurt you!" Merlin continued, staring at the sword in front of him and falling dramatically to the ground at his masters feet.

"All sorcerers are evil. And here I am, thinking we were friends." His eyes shone with hatred.

Pigfain couldn't take it anymore.

"OH MY GOD!" He shouted, jumping from the bed onto Merlin's shoulder. Arthur looked so surprised at the tiny, talking ball of fur now sitting on Merlin that he promptly dropped his sword.

"Would you two just_ listen _to yourselves!" Pigfain continued, "Merlin, get your _arse_ back up and for God's sakes Arthur Pendragon, stop staring daggers at your best friend!"

Pushing aside the fact that he was about to argue with an unknown creature, Arthur felt the need to speak. "He's not my friend." He muttered, feeling very much like a four-year-old.

"Yes he _bloody_ is!" Pigfain shouted. He hated how obnoxiously dramatic the two boys were being, and felt the need to set Arthur straight. "Arthur, Merlin has been saving your life ever since he got to Camelot! All of that drama with Valiant? That was Merlin who saved you! The light in the cave that was _so_ convenient? Saving you from Sophia? Saving you from the Questing Beast by giving his life for yours?" The tiny hedgehog's normally adorable face was scrunched up in anger and he was on his hind legs, screeching at the prince. "It's a good thing he failed at that last one, though." He mused.

Arthur looked bewildered. "Is this true, Merlin?" He said in a hushed voice.

"Yeah," Merlin murmured in return, meeting his master's eyes as he slowly got up, making sure Pigfain didn't fall. Pigfain looked proud, and was about to turn to jump to his new bed when Arthur said something else.

"Why didn't you tell me? Friends are supposed to trust each other." He sounded hurt, and Merlin looked away.

Pigfain slammed his head against Merlin, causing no damage whatsoever, but the effect was a nice one.

"My stars," he muttered, shaking his head at how dimwitted the prince was.

"What?" Arthur looked at the animal, still wondering what on earth it was. Yet like Merlin and most people in Camelot, he had plausible deniability and avoided the question of that...thing.

"Merlin couldn't_ tell _you because if he did you would go running to _daddy_ and Merlin would be_ burned." _Pigfain said scathingly, as if he was talking to a pre-schooler, "Merlin here was so damn _loyal_ that he didn't want to put his_ precious prince _in the position where he would have to, dare I say, _choose_ between Tyrant Pops over there and your _fragile_ friendship."

Arthur and Merlin gaped at the animal.

"How the _hell _do you know all of that?" Marlin asked. Arthur looked as if he was thinking the same thing.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Merlin! You made me so I know everything about you! Gracious, sometimes you can be so stupid! Both of you! Arthur, here you are screaming _bloody murder _at your best friend and _Mer_lin here doesn't even have the guts to protest!"

Merlin saw that Pigfain was about to start another rant, and quickly whispered a spell.

_"Forsuwung," _He said. Eyes flashing their normal gold, Pigfain suddenly found himself mute. He shot Merlin a look and hopped onto the bed, obviously pissed.

"Sorry 'bout that." Merlin said, hesitantly rubbing his arms, "Spell gone wrong. Didn't mean to make him talk, but I'd always loved hedgehogs, and after my old one got squashed-"

Arthur cut Merlin off. "Is all that he said true?" He whispered, "did you save me all those times, and not tell me because you didn't want to make me choose?"

"Yeah, and I am sorry about not telling you. I just wanted to be your friend, and I couldn't do that if you didn't trust me, or, y'know, had me killed." Sheepishly looking into Arthurs eyes, he saw them shining.

Both men chuckled weakly, feeling odd and almost as if they _cared_ for each other. And that was a weird thing because neither of them ever, _ever_ cared for each other. _Ever._

"Well, I'm sorry, Merlin," Arthur began, "You'll always be my friend, even though you have magic, and still manage to be a terrible servant."

Merlin smiled, glad things were back to normal.

On the bed, Pigfain was happy that the two boys were out of their emotionally insane drama, but still peeved about being silenced by Merlin. He waddled over to where Merlin was now sitting, on the bed, and not-so-affectionately nibbled on his hand. Merlin shrieked and Arthur laughed. Pigfain motioned to himself and Merlin sighed.

"Shame, you're much better when you can't say anything," he said, but fixed Pigfain anyway.

"I am _so_ done solving your problems, Merlin!" Pigfain shouted, glad to be able to rant once more, "I'm going to sleep now, and I expect a cake, a _real_ cake, next to my bed when I wake up! Not one of those pieces of bread you normally bring me, I want a birthday cake!" He then moved over to the edge of the bed and jumped off, into his small one. It fit him perfectly.

"The things I do for that boy," he muttered.

Merlin and Arthur just smiled. "Well," Arthur began, helping Merlin up, "just because you have magic doesn't get you out of chores. And make sure that little...thing-" He motioned to Pigfain with a wary look, "-doesn't attack anyone. He seems so rude. What is it anyway?"

"Hedgehog." Merlin said, still smiling. "Crazy little animals, and apparently quite annoying." He gave Pigfain a look, but the creature just shot him a look and rolled over.

With a smile to his servant, Arthur left the tiny room. Merlin was about to jump for joy. Arthur had accepted him, and everything was going to be okay.

_Thanks to a sarcastic hedgehog. _He thought ruefully, glancing at the tiny bed.

"Thanks, Pigfain." He whispered.

"Don't get used to it, you bumbling imbecile." Pigfain muttered from his bed. Merlin smiled and knew that things were going to get better.

Because, seriously, who knew when a Sarcastic Hedgehog could come in handy?

SPELLS: 1.) Small Bed Appear 2.) Silence


End file.
